Tag Archives: Growing Up

Jan 06 2015
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Faith, Growing Up, Productivity

Small Things, Big Influence

The new year often brings out the belief that we ought to make sweeping changes in our lives.  Beginning a rigorous exercise regimen, losing a substantial amount of weight, living within our means, and disciplining ourselves to save for the future are common New Years Resolutions.  Some of us also serve in professions or capacities that continually pressure us to do the “new,” the “unexpected,” the “unprecedented,” and to be “innovative.”  All of these desires and expectations may seem a huge burden to us.

However, the small things, done day by day, have an incremental value that we often overlook.  We underestimate the impact of faithful habits, incorporated into our days.  Those who have deep influence are faithful in what we would consider the small tasks.  For me, one example is circulating among my students and greeting them, talking to them about how their day is going and other small talk, instead of having my head down and ignoring them because I have “significant projects.”  Will I have deeper influence in their lives because of how well I prepare my lessons, or how much I connect with my students?

There is some proportionality here as well.  We are not to ignore what Jesus called “the weightier matters of the law” and be satisfied that we can check off the details.  This is the error of the Pharisees that Jesus condemns in Matthew 23,  However, Jesus is not advocating that we neglect the details and concentrate on the big picture only.

Faithful, daily tasks, as small as they may seem at the time, grow into something greater than the tasks themselves.  Consistent care of children usually results in more than a checklist completed of child care tasks, but children who are loving, well-behaved, and a pleasure to be around.  Sometimes it’s difficult to remember this.  But it’s encouraging when we do and are able to carry out this idea in specific ways.

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Apr 16 2013
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Education, Growing Up, Living Wisely, Uncategorized

Tragic Vision: Meditations of a Midlife Adolescent

One of the pivotal changes in my recognition of needing to grow up took place in the unlikliest of settings.  In the Fall of 2010, my wife and I went to visit our oldest son for Parents’ Weekend at The King’s College in New York City.  I attended a lecture given by Dr. Anthony Bradley.  The big idea of this lecture was that our assumptions about the nature of humanity every aspect of our worldview.  In other words, “bad anthropology yields disastrous results.”

The portion that was really eye-opening for me was when he introduced a book by Thomas Sowell called A Conflict of Visions.  Dr. Sowell describes “visions” as basic beliefs.  They are paradigms, ways of seeing, overall “grids” in the way that we perceive data and events , perhaps even below the conscious level.

Dr. Sowell noticed that people whom we might call “liberals” and “conservatives” tend to talk past one another.  He attributes this to “a conflict of visions.”  The two fundamental visions that Dr. Sowell expounds upon are the “tragic,” or “constrained” vision, and the “unconstrained” vision.

The main factor that drives the tragic vision is the recognition of human limitations. One could describe these limitations as limitations of ability and limitations of morality.  It is the recognition that humanity is not omnipotent nor omniscient nor omnicompetent.  While this does not rule out advances in innovation, discovery, technology, and civilization, it does recognize that there are some things that will not be able to be done.  Ever try running a one minute mile?  Eliminating poverty?  Making wars to cease?  It is the assumption that all of the scenarios are complex problems, so much so that we may not even be able to identify all of the variables inherent in them, much less solve them.   The recognition of having limits of morality assumes that human beings are fundamentally selfish organisms.  We do not naturally incline toward virtue.  It is a Hobbesian view of man in the state of nature, of which he said, “life is nasty brutish, and short.”

Now, this may sound like a morbid understanding of human nature.  However, for me, it was positively liberating.  While my outlook on life was previously anchored in the tragic vision, I previously did not see the implications of this.  Because of this, I was always looking for “the perfect solution for every problem.”  I was striving for the “perfect career fit.”       This discovery also freed me from the tyranny of perfectionism and made me a better evaluator of changes that I contemplate, both in my personal life and in my vocation  The tragic vision insists that there are no “perfect solutions” and “perfect fits” from East of Eden to the New Jerusalem.  All “solutions” and “fixes” involve trade-offs and unintended consequences.  This is not to say that one ought not to take risks.  But it is to focus attention on the processes inherent in living, and to put our trust in wise processes rather than ephemeral products.

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Apr 13 2013
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Productivity

Growing Up: Mediations of a Midlife Adolescent

I have to grow up.  This is a startling realization for a fifty year old.  But it is an undeniable truth that I’ve come to recognize over the last several years.  I’ve bought into the cultural lie that the abundant life consists of youth and immaturity.  This hasn’t worked well for me.  Moreover, my commitment to this unspoken agenda has caused some difficulty in the lives of those whom I love.  So, it’s time to grow up!

This realization has slowly begun to dawn on me in the last five to seven years.  It began with a series of what turned out to be poor decisions that resulted in me leaving the pastorate and then, shortly after, leaving the missions agency that had accepted my wife and me as missionary candidates.  This pattern of decision making caused some of the trust that my wife put in me to erode.  It resulted in me launching out on a new career path and learning how to teach high school in my late forties.   You can imagine that this was a difficult time in our lives.  Thanks be to God, we are in a much better place now.  While I am grateful and content for where we have landed, I would never want to repeat those years.

One of the main things through this painful series of events was that I had invested my hopes and dreams in the power of an outside agency to bring them to reality.  As a young person, I imagined that I would walk into a fortuitous set of circumstances and everything that I had ever hoped for in life would happen.  Later, this fantasy took the form of believing that a mentor would arise who would take me by the hand and show me what it means to be a husband, a father, and a vocational success.  As a Christian, I believed that the Holy Spirit would step in and remove desires that are sinful and immature and work in my life so that life would not be a struggle anymore.

I don’t deny that sometimes people come into a set of fortuitous circumstances that are created for them completely outside of themselves.  And I have had mentors who have been quite instrumental in my life.  However, none of them have been “messiahs.”  And while I continue to believe, perhaps more fervently now, in the presence and reality and power of the Holy Spirit, I no longer believe that His role is to do the hard work that we are called to do in growing up.

So, my paradigm of maturity has changed.  Growing up physically just happens.  If you feed children, they will grow.  But growing up mentally, emotionally, and volitionally takes a great deal of effort on our part.  It’s an effort that is countercultural.  It means that we stop blaming our challenges and problems on our psychological makeup, our outward circumstances, or on other people.  It is stepping up and taking responsibility tor ourselves.  It is putting into practice the habits of life that are required to create a better future for ourselves, our loved ones, and those who are in our circle of influence.

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